The moon is rising. The night is young
My work is done. My house is clean.
I have an open bottle of wine. The radio sings.
It is a good night and I had a good day.
But I miss a friend to tell all these things to.
I have no new ideas and no new dreams. And no new words. I still try to love the same way, with the same words. Purple. Rain. Thunder. Contradistinction. But I found a new word: Famelicose. As in I am famelicose for a witness.
I constantly hunger for a witness. I want to tell someone about my stories, my songs, my history, my inherited tales, my impotent days and nights, my dollhouse of cherised ex-dreams, my childhood, my youth. But also my pain, angst rage and dyings. My love, but also my heartbreak. My Satis.
When I lament my friendlessness, I am thinking there is no one I can say these things to. When I rage at someone for not really being there, I am angry they are not listening to my stories.
I find friendship more challenging than ever today. I have moved so many times, across continents. Each time I have left behind a set of friends, a social context. Each time I have made fewer new ones to replace the ones I lost.
Also, each move means learning a whole new social context. Different jokes, different politics, different cultural histories. But most importantly, a different set of values and nuances.
Then there are the ghosts of the past on social media. Thus the past is never laid to rest. We are still able to cling on to our old friends, whom we left behind. Without them, would we make a push to make more friends here and now?
Then there is that big enemy: time. We are busy almost all our waking hours (and few when we should be sleeping). We often work far from home and spend most of our non-work day commuting. Many of us have a lot more ambition, more responsibility and more ownership of our work than ever before, making work a much bigger deal in our life and psyche than before. Plus, our work has, in many cases, evolved to be so complicated and differentiated, that often we cannot even remotely relate to each other’s work, or there is just too much happening to keep up.
But the biggest challenge I think is finding common ground and being able to relate to one another, trust one another, laugh together. Across the world, we have become so engrossed in our perspectives, ideologies and particular situations, I feel we cant talk and laugh about things like people did before. Or perhaps we find less to laugh about anyway.